Dear parents, dear mothers and fathers! It’s almost a miracle you’re actually awake at this point. After all, there is a Saturday in the calendar today, and the weekend is known for giving parents the almost unique opportunity to catch up on at least some of the sleep they missed during the week. Which, however, brings us directly to the reason or reasons why you are no longer lying and sleeping in bed: Just like on the rest of the weekdays, it is the dear children! And that’s exactly what our family discover is all about today. We wish you lots of fun and a relaxing weekend!
#1: This will continue for life
We tell the little one that we are cooking and she shouldn’t go near the stove because that’s where the food gets hot, and then minutes later tell her to wait and blow first so the food gets cold again.
She looks at us like we’re completely insane.
– Sir. Pan Tau. (@HerrPanTau) 28 August 2022
#2: All of us, right?
“Dad, I wish I could do everything from the couch.”
Germany’s youngest pensioner!
— The Gasser (@magdasWasser) 26 August 2022
#3: Vacation time is sibling time
New parent level unlocked:
Right now, K1 is so annoyed with his siblings that HE wants to take care of holiday babysitting for the two of them during the autumn holidays.
“Best of all in the morning from 8 o’clock, mother!”
— Inke Hummel (@HummelFamily) August 10, 2018
#4: There are things that just can’t be banned
The three-year-old comes into the kitchen like a fury and hisses, “Mommy!! Can you please empty the dishwasher now?! I’m putting my babies to bed right now!!” *thinks for a moment* “You can have a cup of coffee. But take it easy!”
Alright. *tweets quietly drinking coffee*
— dr Influenza (@DrInfluenza) 27 August 2022
#5: Can’t imagine if it had happened in the spring of 2020…
Sitting by the toilet, the paper is empty. Ask the child helping me if they can bring me paper from the other toilet.
K: *confused look*
I: *shows toilet paper roll* That. Can you bring me this from the other toilet?
K: Yes! *starts running*
Noise, boom, rattle, rattle
— Mama Bear (@Nella_CorT) 29 August 2022
Child comes in beaming with joy and hands me an empty roll.
Fun fact: she unrolled the paper and left it there 🥲
— Mama Bear (@Nella_CorT) 29 August 2022
#6: Completely sustainable
“Mom! We baked you an apple pie!”
Lucky for the apple pie, the kids can’t count to…um…29 yet. pic.twitter.com/8Nf7JutNq0
— Frau Minze (@frau_minze) 17 February 2018
#7: Always a good idea
My son is 14 months old and had two slices of bread, a banana and half a pepper for breakfast. In his pyjamas. In size 98.
Consider taking out loans for food and children’s clothes.
– Yvonne. (@FrauBadbits) 29 August 2022
#8: Write it down, remember it, then turn it off
Parental guidance, Summary
Feed, clean, love and never really think anything like that
– “Oh lovely, the two play so peacefully together.”
– “Mhm, the kids haven’t been sick for a week!”
– “I think the baby finally has a rhythm!”
— Sassi (@linedcheckered) 18 February 2018
#9: Not really uplifting
Check your dad, moth. He was tasked with building a shelf and I wonder if he can do it.
[5 Minuten später.]
– “So on a skill scale from 1-10, a really nice 2.7. But he’s not bleeding yet.”
— jade compendium (@jadekompendium) 27 August 2022
#10: Okay, mom is screwed
Never under any circumstances say something like “I hope they send the beautiful one” after the phone call to the local pizzeria around your child.
Maybe said child opens the door and asks very loudly “Mamaaaa, is that the pretty one?”
— Facetchen (@facetchen) 9 August 2022
#11: It’s just different times today…
‘I’m not saying a word today! With no one!” shouts the angry child and storms out of the room.
A moment later there was a rustling under the door. A note slipped through: ‘How do I get Alexa on now?’
— Nora Imlau (@NoraImlau) March 21, 2020
#12: Impressive logic
K2: It looks like C’s bike!
Dad: Maybe it’s C’s bike.
K2: No, it only looks like that.
P: How do you know it’s not C’s bike?
K2: C doesn’t have a bike.
— Constructive Amuse (@ConstAmusement) 19 August 2022
#13: Now we finally know what the “H” in BH stands for
My sister (educator) was just talking about how a child fit into her group.
Biscuits chose her mother’s bra as a “adaptation pet”. He called him Huber.
“Huber” came to daycare for weeks. 🤭
— Office Hero (@bueroheldin) 20 February 2022
#14: It is well known that a lot helps a lot
At the checkout with Kind1, the toilet paper is being scanned, at that moment she shouts out loud:
“DADDY LEAVES A LOT OF DARKNESS!”
It’s so nice when they finally talk.
— Marc💎🙌🦍🇺🇦 (@Das_BinIchHier) 19 February 2018
#15: Did everything right. ALL!
“No means no, you asshole!” is the appropriate reaction of a 5-year-old when the father of a boy who constantly pulls up his dress and won’t stop, even after being asked several times, says, “Stop being so rude!”
Reward: large ice cream
— The Crab (@TheCrabbe3) 30 August 2022
To all mothers and fathers of school children: