If dry and toilet training is a big problem in your family right now – as it is for us – you probably have your hands full. And even the most laid-back parents among us sometimes reach their limits when it comes to this topic. Undue pressure and fear of failure can quickly spread on both sides. Time for a new way of thinking and some great phrases that will relax you and empower your child – whatever their age.
Dehydration is often an emotional topic: some parents sweat just thinking about it, others can hardly wait until their child finally stops using diapers.
Likewise, some children seek independence from an early age, while others take much longer to be ready to give up the safety of the nappy. And both are ok! Because we know that children becoming dry is a natural process that does not require any help from us parents. It is based on their individual physical development, which we can support and strengthen with our trust.
What does Montessori stand for?
Maria Montessori’s teaching stands for treating children with respect and focuses on their individuality. It is valued by numerous educators worldwide because it promotes qualities such as self-determination, self-confidence, resilience and good communication skills. What is valuable to our children also helps to relieve us parents.
Because instead of claiming that we have to have everything under control, we can focus on supporting our children when they need us. Therefore, the values in Montessori are good for getting sober and all other aspects of parenting and help to strengthen your parent-child relationship.
- To treat children with respect
- Promote freedom and independence
- promote individuality
- Support freedom with clear boundaries
- Give children time and space to explore and learn new things
- Follow the child: observe developmental stages and react to them instead of trying to create them
- Meet children as equals
- use adult language
- Mindfulness: Adopt a primarily observing role
7 Montessori sentences to get dry
The following phrases will help you encourage your child to take responsibility for their own body. And they will help you shift your mindset from “We have to do it somehow” to “I’ll help you do it myself.” For Montessori, it is not about “potty training”, a term that literally implies that we have to train our child something. It’s about learning to use the pot as a tool for its most natural development.
#1 “Your diaper is wet. Let’s put a fresh one on you!”
You can use this with your baby before he even gets interested in potty training. Part of the Montessori idea is to strengthen children’s natural attachment to their body and their understanding of its functions. This works a little better with cloth diapers, but even with disposable diapers, kids learn pretty quickly when they’re full. Even your two- or three-year-old can get used to telling you when it’s wet or taking it off and getting a new one.
#2 “You’re (already) standing so steady, we’re going to wrap you up standing today.”
If we think about it, the packaging is something very passive. Of course, you can have your child help you and have nappies, wet wipes and cream delivered to you. And movements such as lifting the pelvis to put on a nappy can also be easily integrated.
As soon as your child can stand up well, you can also start changing him upright. In this way, it learns that it can participate actively in the process. At the same time, it has the option of joining the nappy change by itself (which of course doesn’t always work, but it’s a good start).
And from experience: I started a little later, when I was two years old. But my kids found it much better to change diapers while standing than having to “stand still” and wait while lying down. In addition, it is a big transition to more freedom.
#3 “Let’s go to the bathroom for a diaper!”
One aspect of Montessori education is to establish the connection between the bathroom and going to the toilet at an early age. This can be perfectly combined with the point above: As soon as you change your child’s nappy standing up, you can go to the toilet more often and this can, for example, B. hold on to the edge of the bathtub. Or you do it step by step and pack z. B. Always before and after bathing, brushing teeth or going to bed in the bathroom.
#4 “You can wear underwear from now on.”
Again, it can take a very different amount of time before you or your child is ready to change from bodysuits to underwear (they’re just so practical, especially when it’s cold!). With my first son we waited until he was potty regularly and then left out the diapers. Waterproof training pants are also great here because not everything will go wrong right away, but your child will feel when they are wet.
My other just started his potty training but has been wearing underwear like his big brother (over the diaper) for months now.
In any case, it will be much easier for your child to dress and undress himself if he does not have to work with press buttons and can potty himself without the bodysuit getting in the way. So if you notice that your child is starting to take an interest in the subject, you can start offering them underwear.
#5 “Do you want to sit on the potty?”
Whether and when to use the potty is ultimately your child’s decision. In Montessori education, it is important to get your consent instead of grabbing it and rushing it to the potty. And let it take the next step itself.
Many children are interested in the potty from the age of 1, so they are welcome to try it. But no matter how young or old: It’s about testing, about experience, not about the result. If there is nothing in the pot, it is not a problem at all. At some point, your child will be ready without your help.
#6 “Your pants are wet. Let’s change you.”
“Accidents” can and can happen on the way to being dry, it’s completely natural! Therefore, it is good to be careful not to arouse negative feelings or feelings of shame when something goes down the pants / next to the potty / in the new sofa – even if it can be exhausting for us parents.
After all, it is also an – often unpleasant – surprise for your children. Rather, be neutral, respectful and explain to your child how you handle the situation. So next time they already know what the next step is and can feel more confident.
#7 “You went to the bathroom like mom and dad!”
The Montessori style is more reserved when it comes to euphoric praise. This can quickly lead to pressure, especially when it comes to potty training, because our children sense that we expect a certain thing from them. Of course, you can rejoice with your child if he is happy with the result in the potty.
However, you can focus on the fact that he has mastered the new routine instead of the fact that the bitch ended up at the destination, or that there is anything in the pot at all. The real goal is for it to learn to go to the toilet like us adults.
Dry without pressure
Our body is a sensitive subject, especially when we question its natural development and react to it with emotions. Our kids are pretty good at following their bodies and embracing natural processes.
They know best when something changes and what they need from us. Therefore, it may be better to trust them and let them lead the way than to hope or criticize for rapid progress. Because as soon as we (even unconsciously and well meaning) put pressure on our children, we can make this development unnecessarily difficult for them. And even long-term problems can arise.
Because being dry goes so well and presents us with new challenges every day: Here are our tips on how to handle the defiant phase.
What type of mother are you or are you becoming?
Image source: Getty Images/romrodinka
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