5 pillars on which you can build good parenting

Anyone who has children will at some point automatically be concerned with the question of how they would like to raise them. What is good parenting and how do you manage to raise children to become independent and value-oriented people? Is there perhaps THE perfect parenting method at all? The so-called “5 pillars of education” provide a possible answer.

In most cases, parents only want the best for their children. You want to protect and care for them. And when they one day leave their parents’ nest, they should be well prepared to start off into the future on their own. The basis for this: an upbringing that enables the child to develop and develop optimally.

Sigrid Tschöpe-Scheffler and her 5 educational pillars

Sigrid Tschöpe-Scheffler, who taught family education at the Technical University of Cologne until 2015, published a guide on this topic in 2003 entitled “Five Pillars of Education”. And the subtitle already shows that it should not only be about parents, but on the contrary, about a “development-promoting cooperation between adults and children”.

What characterizes good parenting?

At the center of the guide is the question of what a child needs in order to develop and express himself freely. Tschöpe-Scheffler encourages parents and anyone who has anything to do with children and their upbringing (e.g. educators) to question their parenting style. The relationship with the child must also be reflected using the five pillars, and the parents’ sense of the child’s development should be sharpened.

She describes the characteristics of a good upbringing with the following five pillars:

    1. love and emotional warmth
    2. attention and respect
    3. Cooperation
    4. structure and commitment
    5. financial support

The 5 pillars of education according to Sigrid Tschöpe-Scheffler in detail

Pillar 1: Love and emotional warmth

The first pillar is called “love and emotional warmth”. It is probably the most important basis for children’s development. Children need to feel loved, seen, comforted and heard. They have the right to respectful interest in themselves and to a loving environment in which they find support.

Pillar 2: Attention and respect

The second pillar is about “esteem and respect”. A child must have the opportunity to make their own experiences and find solutions to problems. In this way, their individuality is respected and encouraged. And they learn that their opinions are valued. Attention and respect are fundamental experiences that shape the child’s self-confidence and contribute significantly to healthy personality development.

Pillar 3: Cooperation

The third pillar, called “Cooperation”, must point out to the parents that they are not the only ones who determine the relationship with the child. It is important that the relationship is characterized by mutual understanding – and that the child is adapted to its relationship. age, have their own point of view that deserves respect. There are of course rules and structures that the child has to deal with, but these should be coordinated and defined as far as possible.

Pillar 4: structure and commitment

The fourth pillar “Structure and Engagement” is about how the child perceives the adult. It is very important to be able to trust what the adult says, promises must not be broken. Otherwise, the child will experience that adults’ statements have no value. They are not reliable. If you deprive children of structure and engagement in their environment, they perceive their environment as unpredictable. The result: security and trust are lost at some point.

Pillar 5: Financing

The fact that every child is curious by nature is highlighted in the fifth pillar entitled “Encouragement”. Adults should encourage this curiosity. Not by explaining and telling your child everything. Ideally, children should discover connections themselves, adults should only be there to answer questions and set new impulses. Forcing a child to be curious and to learn is neither possible nor in any way conducive to their development.

Added later: Pillars 6 and 7

In the 2013 revised edition, Prof. Tschöpe-Scheffler added pillars six and seven under the names “Community” and “Spirituality”. In society, children must be able to learn social skills. They must experience belonging and security in the community. For Tschöpe-Scheffler, “spirituality” does not only mean the (Christian) faith, but is concerned that the child finds confidence in his life through the experience of spirituality, feels connected and can feel hope.

The 5 pillars of education: A good guide not only for parents!

Prof. Sigrid Tschöpe-Scheffler explicitly published her guide, not only for parents, but for all people who want to deal with children and upbringing. Both in the pedagogical studies as well as in the education for a pedagogue or daycare worker, he gives interested parties valuable tips and suggestions for reflection on their own behavior and dealings with the children.

It is important to understand that the five pillars of the education cannot and must be implemented by everyone in the same way. However, they provide a good basis for anyone who would like to take a closer look at the topic of upbringing and upbringing style. And a really good compass for everyone who wonders what they did well or badly growing up.

Julia Windhoevel

The forest for the trees…

… at one point I really couldn’t see anymore. Ever since my older daughter went from baby to toddler, I’ve been bombarded with parenting advice from many quarters.

I have read and read many guides and at some point I decided that I have to accept that I just can’t do everything right. And above all, never being able to do it right anyway. I don’t even need that.

This does not mean that I no longer deal with the subject of education. But on the contrary! I must say that I really enjoyed reading Prof. Tschöpe-Scheffler’s guide and gladly accepted her invitation to reflect on my own parenting style.

Would you like to take a closer look at the 5 pillars of the education? Here you will find this and other guides by Sigrid Tschöpe-Scheffler:

Five pillars in education
Five pillars in education

The price may be higher now. Price per 27/07/2022 01:27

Perfect parents and functioning children?: From the myth of
Perfect parents and functioning children?: The myth of the “right” upbringing

The price may be higher now. Price from 26.07.2022 at 9.30 p.m

Great power in small things - spirituality in living with children
Great power in small things – spirituality in living with children

The price may be higher now. Price from 27/07/2022 01:11

Are you generally interested in different parenting styles? In the video you will find an overview:

What type of mother are you or are you becoming?

Image source: Getty Images/malija

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