Daycare worker and mother Vera Schweitzer from Margrethausen knows: “Sometimes, even in the very best parent-child relationships, there are storm clouds: the wishes of children and parents or society are often very different.”
Albstadt-Margrethausen – There are many topics that parents can toot on when raising children. A small selection.
The candy shelf
Unfortunately, the candy shelf at the checkout is not open to the public, and sandals are not the best choice in winter. But how do you maneuver skillfully around the child’s outbursts of anger? “My experience has shown that it helps a lot to reason with the children. To treat them as full-fledged beings with their own wishes and opinions – and give them the opportunity for a solution.” Verbal powerlessness is often worse for children than not being able to get anything. “The kids are still small, can’t argue properly and get everything. A terrible feeling, right?” Schweitzer continues: “But if the child has the feeling that the adult opposite really wants to find a way with you – and not for you – it all becomes more bearable.” Until the children have learned not to always want to bang their head against the wall, “patience and strong nerves are required.” No matter how angry and crooked children are, one should not give in. “When children realize that a desired outcome is facilitated by the tantrum, that behavior seems to be rewarding.” In this way, the child is deprived of the opportunity for impulse control.
But there are many other areas that can irritate parents: “Sleep and dryness training consistently ranks in the top ten.”
falls asleep and becomes dry
The feeling of parental failure is often driven by comparison with peers or literature. Why is my child not sober yet, even though my friends are? Vera Schweitzer knows: “Every child is different, and every child crosses off their to-do list in a different order.” Some could run faster, others could talk faster. Others, on the other hand, prefer to fall asleep alone and no longer need mom and dad as security, but are not yet able to do it alone. “Every child has their own pace and their own strengths,” Schweitzer emphasizes.
“If a child does not want to fall asleep alone, it may still lack security – or they may not be 100 percent sure that they are not alone – despite the physical distance. These fears, worries and ultimately also the positive experience can only take or give time. ” Children are strengthened for life when they can build a deep-rooted trust. Other than that, “Everything goes over, all the kids eventually sleep alone. I’ve never heard of an 18-year-old needing his mother to fall asleep.” And again, these would mean that you have to spend for these processes. In terms of drought training, one can almost say the same thing: “Kids need time.”
Fibbing as a stage of development
“What keeps happening for my daycare kids, and even more so for my daughter, is dizziness. A tiring topic – and yet so fascinating and wonderful.” For a long time, Schweitzer was (secretly) very happy when his daughter and daycare workers tried to tell a story. “The emphasis is on trying,” she adds.
Why does Vera Schweitzer think it’s so great? “Because cheating is a stage of development. Children must learn to lie. It is important and absolutely necessary.” Every developmental step taken leads in the direction of an independent personality. “By lying strengths and teaching children important social skills – such as empathy.” So this topic should also be celebrated with some pride. “My tip: Talk to the children and show them understanding. But also explain that the truth is a really beautiful thing. This gives a child a moral compass that it can use as a guide.”
Mom and Dad are a couple
The baby is born, everything changes – and life suddenly runs in turbo. Unfortunately, just past the usual life. “What often gets in the way first is the interpersonal relationship. Mostly the relationship with the partner.” Precisely this support that a healthy partnership can provide is so important because you are going through the parenting adventure with your partner. Therefore, the relationship should be cultivated consciously and meticulously next to parenthood. “I myself noticed that caring for others through joint activities can be fun and also inspires me, as I can also become a partner again outside of the role of mother.”
Vera Schweitzer and her husband had to rearrange their evenings: “For example, we discovered escape games for ourselves and work together on difficult puzzles.” She also says: “Others hold kitchen parties for two or cook through an entire cookbook. I think everything is allowed – if you are in contact with each other.”
In conclusion, Vera Schweitzer says: “I would like to encourage all parents to have confidence in themselves and their children.” It is incredibly important to reflect on how the baby is feeling in its skin. She reflects quite self-critically every day and tries to figure out how her words could have been received – and what she should have done differently.