The average adult speaks about 16,000 words a day. And with every word, we send information. Not all of this information is well thought out and carefully considered. A lot is just said, something else is calculated and other words hover unspoken in space. Whether intentional or not, what we tell other people moves them. Children in particular often take in what is said – the good things, but also the bad ones. And some things resonate throughout life. The following questions from female freckles. A thread that makes us think.
Are there proverbs that you heard as children that have shaped you to this day and perhaps also your relationship with your children?
Here: “You have to get tougher.” Made me (though meant worried) feel weak. I’m not. Highly sensitive only.
1/2
– Mrs. Freckles (@ 4Freckles) May 22, 2022
The same thing one of my kids obviously does. I try to give him strategies for self-protection, but never to change it.
I say to both children from the bottom of my heart, “You are good as you are.”And I will say this also to you who read this: “You are good!”
2/2
– Mrs. Freckles (@ 4Freckles) May 22, 2022
Many things you want to hear
we will always love you
We will always be there for you.
You can tell us anything, no matter how bad it looks to you.
It is still up to you to decide who does not like you.
Attitude, treasure, attitude. People cry and fight at home, not in front of strangers.– Lilly Berry (@Arbuthnot_NH) May 22, 2022
My dad said while eating: If you do not like garbage, leave it where it is.
I have no problem not eating the plate empty in the restaurant.
– Butenwerlter (@Butenwerlter) May 22, 2022
Lovely family tradition
My dad used to throw me money and say, “Here, a boy should always have some money in his pocket for emergencies.”
I always throw money at my kids and say, “Take it, a boy / girl should always have some money in his pocket for emergencies.”
– Emergency doc (@Dr_Emergencydoc) May 22, 2022
Even though the intention is different: Such words only expose one’s own helplessness and provide no support
“But she’s sensitive!”, “You are too sensitive”, “Do not be so hypersensitive”. “That’s why you cried?”, Annoyed: “Now do not start crying right away”. “She needs a thicker skin!” “How will she get through life like that ?!” (Not from my parents.)
– Jule (@komplizin) May 22, 2022
You’re on a diet now. And then you have to defend yourself. Both stick to me. I also have loving parents. But it depends on me.
– Ohoh (@Oh_und_Frieda) May 22, 2022
Please never say such a thing!
Only small children like.
You must obey because you are stupid.
Love is deserved, as is respect.– Sunnyflower (@Sunnyflower_fun) May 22, 2022
My father used to say:
An Indian knows no pain.I never understood it because I was not one and would not be. But I knew I was not going to cry.
– Andi Hoern (@AndiHoern) May 22, 2022
Parents should also learn to articulate their needs without using toxic formulations
As long as you have your feet under MY table …
– [email protected] (@ Krassie_2) May 23, 2022
It is an achievement to overcome these words, and we wish everyone who heard them
much power in healing
“You can do better than that.” (From a 5 to 3 in mathematics)
“Do you really need to ask for help?”
It’s the first thing that comes to mind spontaneously.– Bad Mom Rising (🏡) (@BlueprintBonnie) May 22, 2022
Strong if you manage to break this circle
“We will not be ashamed of you.”
That is why I always try to give all children the feeling that I am proud of them and that they can be too.
– (@Erestris) May 22, 2022
Yes, but in a very positive sense. I actively try not to do anything with my children that has negatively affected me in statements from my childhood. It’s all a process, but it’s okay.
– Nini Bela (@ NiniBela1) May 22, 2022
Unfortunately, I am shaped by a lot of “you can not get it anyway”, but my relationship with my children is more shaped by the observation of how amazingly my aunt treated her children. I would have wanted something like that and try to give it to my kids.
– Kraehenmutti (🏡) (@kraehenmutti) May 22, 2022
Glad who can say that
More positive than negative:
You are smart.
You can do it.
you’re okayI do not remember the exact wording, but it is rooted in panic / anger, a loss of control that always leads to bad decisions.
Teacher With Beard | NRW (@MitLehrer) May 22, 2022
Conclusion:
It is deeply moving how long people are accompanied by the words they heard as children. While this is not always conscious: Words can leave scars, but they can also carry you through your entire life. Therefore: Be sensitive to your language. Use them with caution, especially with children, and think carefully about what you want to give your children on their journey through life.
Many emotional illnesses also have to do with what we were taught as children. One thread that unfortunately also deals with this topic is this: