Family – If the child is intersex – Society

Paderborn (dpa / tmn) – “Is it a boy or a girl?” New parents are well aware of this issue. However, it cannot be answered unequivocally in all cases. The UN estimates that up to 1.7 percent of children are born intersex.

In his thesis, sociologist Anike Krämer has dealt with what this means for the affected families.

Question: What is intersex at all?

Anike Krämer: In biology, there are four physical properties that are currently used to determine gender. These are the chromosomes, the hormones, the gonads – that is, the gonads – and the genitals. If all these four characteristics do not clearly point in the direction of “man” or “woman”, one is talking about intersex. Incidentally, intersex has nothing to do with what gender you are sexually attracted to or how you identify yourself.

Question: When do parents usually find out that their child is intersex – directly after birth or much later?

Anike Krämer: After the birth, the baby’s genitals may not look as expected. Sometimes things are different, as I found out through interviews with affected parents: the children had hernias in the first year of life and had to have surgery. It turned out that the suspected girls had testicles in the abdomen.

Another important period is puberty, when it becomes clear that the baby’s body is not developing as expected. Then the presumed girl gets beard hair, or the presumed boy gets breasts. It can also be the case that one finds out about intersex much later or not at all.

Question: When families know: “Our child is heterosexual” – what does it do to the parents?

Anike Krämer: I spoke with parents who received their child’s inter * diagnosis in the first year of life. Many parents talk about a shock. For they do not know: What exactly does it mean for our lives? For the life of the child, for the upbringing? This is very disturbing for parents.

Question: What specific questions then arise?

Anike Krämer: As a rule, the diagnosis takes place in a medical environment. The doctors are therefore the ones who inform. However, parents initially have few medical questions once they know their child is healthy – which is the case with many intersex children.

Parents have several everyday questions: should we leave the pink wall color in the children’s room? Is it okay if my child puts on clothes now? What toys should I buy for the child? These questions may sound banal, but there is a bigger problem behind them.

Question: Which topic exactly?

Anike Krämer: This shows how much we adapt our actions to the gender we think the other person has. But: If these rules apply to parents – how do you handle a girl, how about a boy? – fall away, they do not know what to do.

Parents are afraid that other people will become anxious and worried in the same way. What does this mean for kindergarten? To the school? For friendships, later relationships? What we have planned for our child’s life or simply assumed – in sociology one speaks of a “schedule for life” – must be changed.

Question: So parents of intersex children face a lot of questions. What can help parents cope with this?

Anike Krämer: It helped the parents I interviewed look for intersex or other parents of intersex children. They need role models and want to know how other families with intersex children live. So they can decide if they want to do something similar or completely different. It helps the parents. Self-help groups are a good starting point for this. General counseling centers have also in recent years dealt more and more with the subject.

Question: Parents of intersex children need to make some decisions – for example, which gender to fill …

Anike Krämer: What worries parents when it comes to entering marital status – whether it is diverse, female, male or non-entry – is the consequences that arise from it. Are all controls covered by health insurance – for example if the intersex has a prostate but the entrance is “female”? What about other rights or rules where gender matters? Do I always have to “out” my child, for example at school or at other registrations?

Question: So parents need to “think” about the consequences of any decision …

Anike Krämer: Parents currently have to become experts – it’s a huge task. There is also very little reliable knowledge about what is important when raising intersex children. What about pronouns? Should the child have a name that is clearly male or female, or something more neutral? Is it pretty bad or good – or even irrelevant?

There is simply a lack of scientific knowledge about it. And then there is often a lack of knowledge from the other, in the day care institution or at school.

Question: Until recently, it was often the case that intersex children were operated on in such a way that their bodies fit better into the “male” or “female” category. Since May 2021, this may no longer happen without the consent of the children. Why are these operations so problematic?

Anike Krämer: The question can be turned: Why should it be a problem if a body does not meet the norm “female” or “male”? The problem that affected families are experiencing is social exclusion. But it is a social problem that cannot be solved medically.

And: Such interventions violate human rights. If performed without the informed consent of children and young people, it violates the right to physical integrity. After all, healthy bodies are medically intervened – with serious consequences.

Question: What are the possible consequences?

Anike Krämer: People who have been exposed to these serious interventions in the body can develop physical and mental disorders. First, scar tissue can tear or grow together. It is also not as sensitive as intact tissue, which can be important for satisfying sexuality.

On the other hand, these people have experienced transgressions that can destroy basic trust in parents, in medicine, but also in society. They get the feeling that they have to change in order to be accepted. For this reason alone, it is important that the law is implemented consistently.

About the person: Anike Krämer is currently researching as a research assistant at the Center for Gender Studies at the University of Paderborn. For her dissertation on parents of everyday experiences of intersex children, she received the second prize in the social science category of the Körber Foundation’s German Study Prize 2021.

© dpa-infocom, dpa: 220525-99-429251 / 3

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