Can mothers walk? “I left my children with their father.”

‘It has not been good between me and my husband for a long time. We lived side by side and planned our weeks around having two kids and our job.

There were no quarrels, everything was calm and yes, also harmonious. That would probably have been the case until the end of our lives, and no one would really have suffered. At least obviously.

But I was not happy.

For a long time, I convinced myself that it was just like that. I had a ‘good life’, a big apartment, a nice man who was also an incredibly good father. We went on vacation twice a year, had two cars, no worries about money. In theory, I had everything. I told myself that it was normal for the excitement, the attraction and yes, the intense love, to diminish over the years, especially after having children. To wish for something else was in my opinion just unrealistic dreaming.

Inside, though, I felt empty and empty.

I had to admit to myself that everything I had always imagined for my life, and what I had always worked towards – did not have much to do with me.

I loved and love my kids incredibly, there is no doubt! But I also love myself. And just circling around her, it was not enough for me. More and more often I had the feeling that I was falling short, far too short. And I’m not the type who tends to give up completely.

At one point, I knew I would break if I stayed in this constellation. I talked to my husband, who was a little surprised. He knew me well enough to know what had been brewing inside me for so long.

“What about the kids?”

So that was his first question. I was silent. I was ashamed. It raged inside me.

My little daughter, then only seven years old. And her 12-year-old brother. I loved her so much, I was so grateful for my husband. that we both got these wonderful creatures.

But: They were not really in the plans for my new life. So far I had successfully suppressed it, now I had to be honest with myself and my family.

“I do not know,” I admitted.

,You do not know!? Our children did not deserve it! ‘ My husband’s words touched my heart, he was right. ‘So leave her with me. We will explain it to them. But never let them know that you did not care about them.`

We talked for a long time that night, and the next morning I started looking for an apartment. It was clear to me that I wanted to stay close to my family.

When I finally found an apartment where everything was right, we told the kids what was going on. My daughter cried a lot, her brother seemed to take it better.

When we told them they wanted to stay with their father, my daughter cried even more. And my son got angry. He felt betrayed by me.

I have lived alone for three years now.

I have a new job that keeps me busy. I have new hobbies that fill me.

My kids ‘should’ actually come home to me every other weekend. They do this most of the time, but not always. We also see each other from time to time.

I feel like they have long ago forgiven me for going. Her father is her confidant, her home. It hurts me sometimes – but I have to selflessly admit that I would like it that way. And that he’s just feeling so much better, this parenting thing. He can do better and that makes him happy.

We have found our peace as a family.

Only those around me still lack understanding. It just does not get into anyone’s head that ‘a mother leaves her children!’

‘How do you keep it? I could never live without my children, “” What a mother you are. “” Do you regret having children? “

I have heard all these words and questions so often. And try to ignore them.

I’m happy as it is. Finally! And so is my husband and children.

Do you think, if he were gone, as a man, he would have ever had to listen to all those questions? ”


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Real Stories tells about mothers’ shared personal experiences in our society.

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